Wilderness Wanderings

"Not all who wander are lost" wrote JRR Tolkien.  Lost or not, the experience of wandering in an unknown place - a wilderness - is not a comfortable one.  Whether it's a literal wilderness of an unknown land or the metaphorical wilderness of a life experience, for the Christian there are some recognizable landmarks and a promise of hope.

I've come to recognize that "wilderness experiences" have some common characteristics.  One of these is isolation. This is the season of aloneness, a season that can leave you wondering if there is really love to be found in this life.  It can make us doubt our perceptions.  Another is danger.  We know there are unknown (and sometimes known) pitfalls, yet, because we are alone, we can't take a break from being watchful.  It's exhausting.  Because of both isolation and danger, we can feel very vulnerable and subject to temptations.  Things that wouldn't entice us under ordinary circumstances can pull very powerfully on us during wilderness times. 

It is during these time that we realize how much we truly must depend on God for everything.  In fact, in looking back over the times in my life which have felt like a wilderness, I realize that the questions being posed are always the same - "Did God say?" and "Do you trust Him?" 

Another characteristic that wilderness experiences share is the one that encourages me that I'm not lost there.  It is this - they are temporary, designed by God and allowed in my life to prepare me for what He has coming next.  Moses, Elijah, Paul, and Jesus himself were all prepared for service in the wilderness.  So even though I feel the isolation, I know I'm not alone.  Many have walked this route before and found God to be always good and always faithful.  They are that "great cloud of witnesses" that Hebrews 12 mentions, continually urging me on by testifying to the greatness of our God.

I don't see the end yet to this bleak landscape I'm currently in, but each day gives me the opportunity to move forward in faith.  I'm wandering right now, but, thankfully, I'm not lost.

The Stories We Live

  As an educator, I'm devoted to nurturing the love of good stories.  As a mom, I've read countless stories to my children.  As a person, I love getting lost in a good story myself. Readers and non-readers alike love a good story. 
   Much has been written about the benefits of story in nurturing virtue and imagination in our children. There's another benefit as well.  Being steeped in story gives us a framework for how we view our own lives.  People who see life as a story are able to see themselves in the context of something greater than themselves.  How is this a benefit?
   Every good story must have a plot, and the core of plot is conflict.  Conflict stems from a problem - either internal, external, or a combination.  It can be conflict with something that has a resolution (finding the thief) or conflict with something unresolvable (like the evils of war).  Either way, it is imperative that the main character meets the conflict in a way that we can relate to at some level.  It must be believable, and, in a good story, it should encourage us in our dealings with conflict.
  Beyond just encouraging us, though, a recognition of plot allows us to move through life without being constantly surprised by difficulties.  These are the things that can move life forward if we meet them well, or bring us to a standstill if we don't.  Knowing that problems are part of the "story" of life can give us a measure of grace and strength as we move forward.  Knowing that there is a next chapter and, finally, a resolution allows us to live in hope.  And knowing that we are just one in a cast of thousands in this great story teaches us to live with humility with others.

  In The Two Towers, as the main character Frodo is struggling against despair, his companion, Sam, puts it in perspective for him with these words:
            " It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. They meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.  I know now. Folk in those stories has lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."

  Sam helps Frodo understand that the dark moment isn't the culmination of the story.  And that's a life-giving perspective.
   

Seasons

With all this heat, I find myself looking forward to cool and crisp fall days. Isn't that always the way it is? No matter where we find ourselves, our desires eventually run to something else. This can be a problem if we're never content, but one way to correct our perspective is to recognize that we ARE made for something more than the moment we are in. It's that "tension" thing again - not missing the good of the time we're in, but not camping in that moment either.

Our family is in a season of transition again. (There have been quite a few of those over the past four years!) Abigail is away today on her first solo drive out of town. She's camping with some folks from our church, and I'm delighted to see her taking on new challenges and developing deeper relationships with other families. I'm also aware of feeling more and more like a spectator of her life. There is a bitter-sweetness to all this; I wouldn't have her stay a child and I'm proud of her moving forward, but I also cherish those sweet times when she was younger and more easily encouraged and comforted. The new blessing is that now we are learning to appreciate each other as adult sisters in Christ.


The other big change is that we are wrapping up our homeschooling years (as far as we can tell!) Hope will be going to high school at her dad's school this year, so this summer is a time of getting ready. She has a more challenging summer reading list. She's reviewing her Latin in preparation for being in a classroom environment. And, we're shopping for clothes - school uniforms instead of jeans! She and I both are ambivalent about this transition. I know she's ready for the new challenges, and I've been so encouraged to see her maturity increase over the past year. But, I'm going to miss her!

I am thankful for so many good memories. As I realize that I have more years behind me than in front of me (unless I set a new world record for age!), I have to remind myself that I need to press forward with as much energy and eager anticipation as I did as a twenty-something. There are grandchildren to be loved! There are young people to be taught! There's a wonderful man who still needs an encouraging and loving home to come to each day. And, God is still at work in training my character and molding my heart. I'm not finished yet, so I don't want to waste time longing for those good things (or regretting those not-so-good things) of past years.


Seasons change. Each one has its blessings and challenges, but there's always the reminder that the new season is on the way. What a testimony to God's faithfulness! And what cause for hope!